Napkin Coffee Filter

This morning I haphazardly dragged myself out of bed, bleary eyed and wondering why the dogs where scratching at the bedroom door. I couldn’t find my glasses. Blindly, I opened the door. The dogs had no reason for their excitement. In their minds I had simply slept too long.

I found my glasses, put on my robe, and stumbled to the front of the house to let the raving nutters outside. Perhaps some fence time for them would mean caffeine time for me.

Now I knew I had recently bought a new can of coffee. This I could not forget, for the prices were now so high that each new can purchased forced me to consider my choices in life.

For reference, at the time of purchase a can of Folgers Black Silk is around $10.99. Sometimes you can find it for somewhat less on a store deal. For a while that deal was $6.99 and when I found it for that I’d buy all my favorite blend they had. Recently $8.99 is the best they’re going to do. I can remember $4.99.

To my coffee snob friends, you may have felt some judgement when I mentioned Folgers. My coffee needs are great. I require a pot before noon or my day is ruined. I don’t need personal roasted, gourmet, extra pricey beans. I need a swift kick to the gut in the morning. I need a lot of it. Folgers provides a fine cup of coffee if you don’t get all bougie about it.

I opened my freshly sealed can of Folgers, took the first whiff, then set it down to get my coffee filters. My heart sank. I forgot to buy coffee filters. I ran out a couple of days ago and slummed it with K-Cups yesterday. K-Cups are fine I guess, but expensive would you have a drinking problem like I do. Also, I drank all the K-Cups. This was indeed a dilemma.

• Sneak out of work and drive into town to buy filters when the store opens.
• Go to the closest gas station ten minutes away and drink whatever sludge they offered up.
• Get all MacGyver and fashion a coffee filter with whatever I had.

There on the kitchen bar was a stack of napkins from a fast food run. Coffee filters are simply special shaped paper. I can do this! I folded three napkins into themselves and into a circled. It was crude and there was considerable extra folding, even cramming to get the thin paper to do what I needed it to do for me to survive.

I added the coffee. The expectation was leaking, flooding, and coffee grounds settling into the pot. Happily, it was fine. Coffee was brewed. Headache averted.

Now some of you are asking why I didn’t use a French Press. I can give you several reasons. First, I always make a mess. Second, I’m drinking Folgers. You want me to french press Folgers? Three, I couldn’t find my French Press.